Monday, 16 August 2010

How to score chicks... in Independent Movies.

If I've learnt anything from movies directed by John Hughes, it's that if you're a massive weirdo with serious emotional problems, you're a guaranteed babe magnet.

Watching Thumbsucker the other day I had a slight revelation about where I'd been going wrong with women all these years. Near the end of the movie, the lead character wakes up on a plane to discover he's been sucking his thumb and making incoherent babbling noises. The cute girl sitting next to him doesn't shy away in disgust like most of us would, but instead is seemingly turned on by his toddler-esque habit, giving him some some serious eyelash flirtation in return. There was me thinking wit and charm were important, whereas a bizarre character trait (clearly brought on by a significant childhood trauma) is a far more effective in getting female attention.

It got me thinking of other unconventional ladies men in the Indie cinema world...

Lars from Lars and the Real Girl

We all identify with Lars in one way or another. His fear of large social situations, or his abhorrence to close physical contact with another person. Where we identify with him less, however, is his need to order a life size sex doll for a platonic relationship in order to overshadow his incapability of being close to a real person. Yet Margo, the cute girl from his office, has the hots for him. Even after witnessing him love, argue with, and finally bury a plastic doll, Margo is willing to go on a date with him. Why, oh why!? This man clearly has a very severe case of paranoid schizophrenia, yet everyone sees him as a sweet, lonely man who just wants love. Just don't come crying to me when you end up hacked up in a bathtub.

Donnie from Donnie Darko

"Sit next to the boy you think is the cutest" Drew Barrymore unrealistically says to Jena Malone as she goes to sit down in her new classroom, eventually picking a young Jake Gyllenhaal. What she doesn't know, however, is that Donnie is a crazy person. He takes pills, sees apocalyptic giant bunny rabbits, burns down houses, and stabs mirrors. Normal teenager then (sorry). Still, she puts up with his ridiculous, nonsensical antics and gets killed in the process. Should have sat next to Seth Rogen, shouldn't you!

Barry from Punch Drunk Love

When Barry isn't smashing up bathrooms with his bare hands, he spends most of his time crying and calling up phone sex lines. And still, Emily Watson (aka my future wife) follows him around like a bitch on heat. I know women like complicated men, but come on!

Anyway, I'm probably just jealous. Apparently there's a thing called 'personality' too, but we all know women are only after money and muscles. It's lucky that I'm a hot-shot banker who looks like Taylor Lautner then.

One last one... Woody Allen from Anything

'Nuff said.

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