A more innocent time

I watched Brief Encounter last night. It is a delightful 80 minute story of a married woman falling in love with a man she meets at a train station.

But with films such as Transformers 3: Dark of the Moon running the international box office these days, here's an artists impression of what Brief Encounter might look like if it were remade today:


It would be 3 hours long and the two leads would be played by giant robots. AWESOME.

Green Lantern? More like Green Bland-ern. Get it!?

Okay, so I've been very wrong about every superhero movie this year so far. First off, I predicted Thor would be the worst thing since Spiderman 3. Then I foresaw Green Lantern being the BEST film of the year. And as for Captain America, all bets are off.

Whilst Green Lantern isn't completely terrible, it doesn't help itself by being mediocre in nearly every department. It feels like a very paint by numbers superhero flick, with no real hint of originality or desire to 'break the mold'.


The main fault lies with the script, which I presume was written in an afternoon (inbetween Neighbours and Hollywoaks). Characters are clunkily thrown together at pivotal moments, the romance is so drab it's not even worth mentioning, and all of the characters are so unbelievably stupid. For example, a sophisticated (and seemingly immortal) alien race decide to embrace the power of fear in order to destroy it, EVEN THOUGH one of their peers did exactly the same thing and ended up trying to take over the entire galaxy. Yes, very sophisticated.

It's a real shame because the film does have potential. It's got Ryan Reynolds (badass), a great superhero, and some awesome action scenes. Even the Fear Vs. Will dynamic is an interesting concept. But modern audiences just aren't stupid enough to care for a superhero simply because they make the odd quirky one-liner.

Must try harder, Hollywood.

A Shameless Love Letter to Kristen Wiig

If you've seen Bridesmaids advertised on a bus or on TV, you might think that the marketing is suggesting that the film is going to be a second-rate 'The Hangover for girls'. And in some ways you'd be right. It relies upon the same crass breakdowns of gender relationships and stereotypes that The Hangover uses. But if you think this film is going be second-rate, you're sadly mistaken.

Sure, its got some gender exclusive jokes ('aren't men crap in bed' and 'women really like weddings'), but for the most part I found myself laughing harder than most of the females in the audience. Why? I LOVE Kristen Wiig.

Ever since her catty appearance in Knocked Up, I have developed a serious comedy crush on this woman. From her appearance in Flight of the Conchords (as the awesomely named Brabra) to 2010's underrated Whip It, Wiig always manages to steal the show with ease. And its no different in Bridesmaids. Her ability to convey subtle annoyances with just a single wince of the mouth, but also be hilariously outrageous (attacking a giant cookie for instance) testifies to what a true comedic genius she is.

Plus, she's like mega hot.

MARRY ME.

I like to get deep sometimes and think about Einstein

I'm not going to pretend I know much about spirituality or Eastern philosophies. But every so often (especially after witnessing a Terrence Malick film) I find myself asking the big one: "Life. What's that all about, eh!?"

With Tree of Life on the verge of release in the UK, I thought I'd share some of my favourite philosophical scenes. Enjoy and ponder.

There is no spoon - The Matrix

We all need mirrors - Memento (Spoiler)

We are not enemies, but friends - American History X (Spoiler)

The Dude Abides - The Big Lebowski

Life's Waiting Room - Waking Life

3 Reasons Attack the Block Doesn't Work

Before you throw rotten fruit and put me in the gallows, let me first explain that I adore Joe Cornish. Having been an avid fan of the Adam and Joe TV and radio show since a wee nip, I feel a very special affinity with the 2 uber-geek comedians. It then pains me to say (as predicted in a previous post) that Attack the Block is just 'so-so'. Let me explain.

1. The Story's Rubbish - I know it's unfair to expect an Alien invasion movie to have a plot like Citizen Kane, but when the backstory feels like something they came up with on the day, the whole film is reduced to a shallow exercise of 'what looks cool'. The Thing, Aliens, Predator - all have intriguing and compelling origin stories, and therefore we yearn to know more. Apart from being aggressive and horny, there is nothing to the aliens in Attack the Block. Which conveniently leads me to my next point...

"They're, like, floaty plant creatures."

2. The Aliens Aren't Scary - This would be fine if the movie concentrated more on being a comedy rather than a horror film. However, the film sacrifices comedic moments in order to shock it's audience, but the only scares the film achieves are cheap 'jump' tactics. The aliens simply don't have the realism or threatening appearance to warrant any serious horrific moments. I want my aliens to look like ugly motherf*ckers, rather than a stylistic cartoons.

Scary

3. Unsympathetic Characters - Even though the young cast of unknowns are extremely impressive, I really didn't care when one of them bit the dust. This is mainly due to the fact that 'the youths' mug and threaten a woman with a knife at the beginning of the film. I know we're meant to see past their faults as fragile insecurities of growing up in a harsh South London, but 88 minutes simply isn't a long enough runningtime to demonstrate this turnaround. Even the supporting cast are a bunch of unsympathetic cannon fodder.

Nick Frost's character: bit of a dick

Don't get me wrong, it's a fun movie with some great dialogue and booming soundtrack. But perhaps Cornish should have spent more time crafting his own story, rather than creating a hybrid film that satisfies neither the alien, horror, or comedy genre.

Note: I should win a f*cking award for not mentioning Shaun of the Dead.

Trailer Talk: Revenge of the Scrutiny

X-Men: First Class

If you were worried that X-Men: First Class was going to be as dreadful as the posters would have you believe, think again. An international trailer has been released for the hotly anticipated X-prequel, and it is Epic (note the capital ‘e’ there).

Unless you've been living in a media proof bunker for the last 6 months, you'll know that X-M: FC takes us back to the origin story of Charles and Erik (aka Professor X and Magneto). Y'know, before things got awkward. Set against the Cuban Missile Crisis, the film seems to be having a lot of fun mixing real historical events and X-Men lore into a twisted version of the 1960s. Kind of like Watchmen.

We catch brief glimpses of Nicholas Hoult and Jennifer Lawrence as the young Beast and Mystique. But it appears director Matthew Vaughn has focused the film’s attention on the troubled friendship between Charles (James McAvoy) and Erik (Eric Fassbender). In the trailer we see how they first meet, their developing friendship, and the inevitable differences they begin to display. I have a lot of respect for McAvoy’s acting talents, but I think Fassbender's brooding and unruly portrayal of a young Magneto might steal the show. “Peace was never an option” – anyone else think Fassbender would make an excellent Bond?

What struck me most about the trailer was the scope of the film. Juggling complex relationships, self discovery, and a heavy political context; have they overstuffed this origin story? With talks already underway for a sequel (and potential new trilogy), let's hope they leave some plotlines left for the series to explore.

Cowboys Vs Aliens

If you were like me and thoroughly unimpressed with Jon Favereau’s extended Avengers teaser, Iron Man 2, then you’re probably not too bothered about his latest Blockbuster romp either. However, those clever clogs up in Hollywood have dreamt up an idea that combines BOTH the Western genre and the Sci-Fi genre. OMG. I mean, Serenity technically did it first, but whatever.

Set in the 19th Century Wild West, a spaceship lands and tries to take over the world. All that stands in their way is a posse of cowboys, including a mysterious lone ranger with amnesia (Daniel Craig). Harrison Ford stars/grumbles alongside Craig in the first Bond vs Indiana Jones showdown since The Last Crusade. If this sounds like a novelty film, that’s because it is.

However, if there’s one thing it’s got going for it, it’s the action. From start to finish the trailer is a 2 and a half minute thrill ride of intergalactic proportions. Luckily it retains a good balance of CGI spaceship spectacles and good ol’ fashioned gun slinging. And the rocking soundtrack (a Favereau trademark) gives the film a nice tongue in cheek b-movie feeling to the whole affair. As for the performances, Craig once again pulls out the ‘tough man with a conscience’ role, and Olivia Wilde heats things up as the potential love interest.

But it shouldn’t go unmentioned that it contains possibly one of the dumbest lines of dialogue in recent memory: “You know who you are. You just have to remember.” Jeez, thanks Olivia.

Little White Lies

Not to be confused with the independent film magazine.

Little White Lies (or Les petits mouchoirs, if you insist on being pretentious) is this year's 'must-see French film'. This is mainly because us English folk can only stand watching one subtitled film a year. And whilst it is certainly very well observed, it's 154 minute running time is a gross overestimate of an audience's attention span for a dromedy.

Starring an impressive ensemble cast (including everybody's favourite token French chick, Marion Cotillard), it is a story of a group of friends who make the rather unethical decision to go on holiday whilst a dear friend of their's recovers from a horrific car crash. However, the seemingly pleasant holiday spirals into a mass of revelations and confessions - potentially ruining all of their friendships.

"Look, it's that token French chick!"

Despite the film being about quite a repugnant group of self-obsessed people, there is a lot to enjoy from this movie. The comedic elements are superb, especially from François Cluzet's character Max, who spends the whole film trying to exterminate an intruding family of raccoons. And some of the relationship storylines are heartbreakingly well observed. But by the 3rd act the story finds itself in a viscous loop of repeating the same scenes again and again. So much so that the film loses all emotional impact by its finale, which should have had the whole audience in floods of tears.

Cut this film down by an hour and you'd have a 5 star movie. But as it is: 3 and a half stars. Great Soundtack though...