Wednesday, 9 November 2011

The Internship Diet

As some of you may or may not know, I have recently taken up an internship at the independent film distributor Soda Pictures (views here are of my own yada yada yada). Whilst being an excellent use of my time (and also a great way to piss off the parents), it has also given me an awesome, albeit unintentional, weight loss programme. Just follow these simple steps:

Step 1

Give up your well-paid, stable job and move to the unforgiving city of Londonian to pursue your unrealistic dreams. Ideally you’ll have an older, more successful sibling to put you up for a couple of months or so. That’s what they’re there for!

Step 2

Avoid any sort of public transport, even if you have to run to work. The tube is a rip-off and smells.

Step 3 – Breakfast

Tesco Wheat Biscuits. Not sure what the difference is between Weetabix and Tescos Own Brand – but honestly, how do you fuck up bonded wheat!? And double your amount of breakfasts by only having one a day!

Step 4 – Lunch

No money = less food. Simples! Tesco £2.50 meal deals should sort you out with just enough calories to reach the end of the day without collapsing from exhaustion.

Step 5 – Dinner

Reheat. Reheat. Reheat. Even until the bastard looks unrecognisable from its original conception 4 days prior.

Add marathon training on top of that and you’re well on your way to super model stardom/an eating disorder!

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