Saturday, 26 February 2011

The Jaffas 2011

Who needs Photoshop when you have Paint.NET?

It's the Award Ceremony everyone has been waiting for... Ladies and Gents, I proudly present to you the first annual Jaffa Awards:

Bleakest Film

Black Swan
Winter's Bone
Blue Valentine

Winner: Biutiful. Cancer – check. Domestic violence – check. Dead Immigrants – check. The director of Amores Perros does it again, with a film so depressing you’ll wish you were born inside a deep cave with no eyes or ears.

Guiltiest Pleasure

Piranha 3D
Law Abiding Citizen
Jackass 3D

Winner: Law Abiding Citizen.
Almost everything in the movie is unbelievable and (at times) offensive, but I couldn’t help but really enjoy myself. Does that make me a bad person? Probably.

Most Scenes Stolen

Josh Brolin - True Grit
Christian Bale - The Fighter
Tom Hardy – Inception
Chloe Moretz – Kick Ass

Winner: Christian Bale.
The Bale backlash has already begun, but if you watch the credits you'll see the real Dicky is even more irritating.

Dodgiest Accent

Mickey Rourke – Iron Man 2
Gerard Butler – Law Abiding Citizen
Ewan McGregor – The Ghost
Colin Farrel – London Boulevard

Winner: Colin Farrel.
It’s not English. And it’s not Irish. Hmm...

Most Redundant Sequel/Remake

Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland
The A-Team
The Wolfman
Wall Street 2: Money Never Sleeps

Winner: Wall Street 2. Did we really need to see an old Gordon Gekko? ‘Greed is Good’ - It is when you’re a Hollywood producer.

Most 'Up its Own Arse

Black Swan
I’m Still Here

Winner: Inception. Christopher Nolan sure knows how to take us on a ride. But first he has to have an hour and a half of explaining exactly how the ride works and why we’re going to enjoy it so much.

Most Misleading Trailer

Never Let Me Go
Iron Man 2
True Grit

Winner: True Grit. A close one indeed. The Iron Man 2 trailer did make the film actually look quite good, but the TG trailer is misleading in almost every conceivable way. Seriously, all footage in the trailer is manipulated to an unnecessary degree.

Most Foreign-y

Dog Tooth
A Prophet

Winner: A Prophet. Whilst not being the ‘foreign Scarface’ I was expecting, the film still packs a severe punch and extraordinary performances.

Least Bad Film

127 Hours
The Social Network
The Fighter
Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World

Winner: The Social Network. Wow, that was a toughie. But if we’re basing it on ‘which film features the most Jesse Eisenberg’ then The Social Network just clinches it.

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